IDK #2

I hate new beginnings.

It means all the effort and time I wasted on something has been concluded.

It's better to say that I'm afraid of Beginnings because it means there was an ending. The story is done.

Soon...

I have to face a new chapter from a new part of my life.

I have to start all over again. Zero friends. Zero acquaintance.

I am, of course, very afraid.

Starting over again is not a joke. Fear. Anxiety.

I cannot avoid those. 

I'm afraid.

IDK #1

What are the Do's and Dont's in a relationship?

Why does I always feel sad in a relationship? Like I'm always in the giving end of the relationship and never on the taking end?

People tend to abuse you when you love too much. Well maybe it's also a personal choice to be treated that way. You can end the relationship if all it does is make you suffer and cry. But people are sometimes to optimistic. We trust our instincts that we can change a person or they will change for us. That's the expectation that makes us more weak and sad.

We end up being disappointed.

How can I never know what to do to be able to receive love?
It's hard.
I dont know what to do anymore.

GoodNight

I want to always kiss you goodnight.
So that in the morning,
 I'll kiss you altogether with the sunshine in your face.
I want to say sweet dreams so i can dwell within them.

I want to say sleep well,
 so that I can rest at ease that you are doing fine even in your sleep.

That means when I kiss you goodnight,
I'm telling you I love you.

A True Love's Kiss

An act of bravery,
an act of weakness
or can even be an act of desperation.

It can be a curse
or even be a treasured gift.

But whatever it does,
it holds the greatest power of all.

You heard it in stories,
you heard it in fairytales.

It is the end to sorrow,
the beginning of a happy ending.

It is what they called the True Love's Kiss.
-R.M.B. 

Nothing.

I feel so empty.
I feel so dark.
And somehow, I feel so unloved.

I feel like I'm a star starting to burn out.
That sooner or later, I'll be gone.
Or like I'm already gone.

He was the meaning for Life.
Now he is gone, gone with someone new.
how can I reclaim that meaning back I wonder?

My eyes they sting like hell.
My voice it's hoarse like curse.
and My heart tired like darn.

I want to stop breaking down every moment he smile at her,
But I simply can't.
because the guilt that it's all my fault.
That our end was all my doing ,
It breaks the will of my heart to beat.

I want him to fight for me for the last time.
Just a little struggle to take me back.
Just a little sign of adorement.

The sleepless night i have to concur
Like battle I have to win.
Like war that I can never victor.

i crave for Him.
i Writhe in pain without him.

But I know, somewhere between the miseries and hardship we face,
he's not the guy i fell inlove with anymore.
because now, He's a guy who love someone else.

I have no more time to spend with him.
No, I dont have any rights anymore.

I am but a shadow behind him
Mindlessly following.
endlessly quavering,
Eternally Dying.

Almost Done.

How can you rewrite the past?
how can you take back the person you love when there's no chance of ever getting them back?
i want to know because the pain of thinking about him makes me die every second, every minute and every waking moment.
I want to take back the part of me he already took the day we said goodnight for the last time.

I want him to give it all back to me.
the Part of me he broke.
the part of me that is still searching for his presence.
the Part of me that just cant help but love him.

I know that he is happy with someone else but what can I do?
It's really killing me.
The longing, searching and missing him.

I never meant all of this to happen.

I wish He can return that part of me.

because I want to feel whole again.
Just for a while I want to feel complete and happy.

The missing part .

It's breaking me more apart.

Balewalang Pag-ibig

Sa ilang pangyayaring hinarap ko sabuhay ko, ang magmahal ang pinakaKomplikado at pinakaAbnormal na naramdaman ko.
Aaminin ko ang blog na toh ay naglalaman ng puro pagkamuhi at pagkaBITTER sa pag-ibig at sa ibang tao.

Anong nangyari sa mga nakaraang buwan? EWAN.

Parang nasa loob ako ng Mabilis na sasakyan tapos biglang tumigil tapos bumaba ako.
Ngayong nakababa ako sa mabilis na sasakyan , hindi ko alam kung saan ako tumigil.

LIGAW.


Ako ay NALILIGAW.

Dama ko na para akong bata na sinama magGrocery tapos natuwa sa isang lane na puro Candy tapos paglingon ko, wala na si Mama.

bigla kong nararamdaman yung takot.

magwawala sa kakahanap.

Nasa akin kuung Iiyak ako para mahanap o Kikilos para mahanap.

Pero kung ikukumpara toh sa nangyayari ngayon,

Mukhang mas pinili kong kumilos at hanapin yung taong Gusto kong makahanap uli saken.
gusto kong yakapin niya ako at iparamdam na hindi niya ako iiwan.

Pero . . .

Lalo akong natatakot pag lalo akong kumikilos.


Paano kung walang mangyari kahit lahat gawin ko na?


takot na akong masaktan.

Parang lalo kong naiisip na sayang lang ang mga pinagdaanan naming DALAWA.
Natatakot ako...
takot na takot. Swear.

Kailangan ko na bang bumigay o hayaan yung pagkakataon na tulungan ako.
Sa dami ng nakilala kong tao, siya lang ang gusto kong makasama habang buhay.


Sobra na ba ako sa pagpapahirap sakanya?
Sa huli ba, tulad ng iniisip kong ginagawa ng lahat ng tao ay gagawin niya?
Ang Iwan niya ako?


Isa nanaman ba tong Balewalang Pag-Ibig?

O isang tunay na pag-ibig?